Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
