I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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