It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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