From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I currently don't understand fingers.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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