She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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