I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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