She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
