New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
