OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
