my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
