Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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