you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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