Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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