you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
