New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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