i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He shit in the fireplace
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
