I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
