Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
