his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
