...so i touched it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize