If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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