my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize