peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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