Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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