In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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