You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
