I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize