no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
