I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i think i just lost a toe
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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