But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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