she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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