For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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