wanna go halves on a baby?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
