Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
