so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
