Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
