she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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