i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
