I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
