i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
