the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
