Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
