I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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