I'm passing your future prison.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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