last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize