Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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