mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So much rum. So many feels.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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