Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
should my penis look like a turkey
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
