Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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