lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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