she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize