just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
