so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
