Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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