It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
40s are totally the cure
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
