And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
