I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Enjoy the penises
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
