Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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