mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
