Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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