I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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