he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
