i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
