dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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