they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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