the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
