I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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