I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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