so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
