How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
