I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
