Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
