Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
