I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize