we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
