Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
false alarm. still invincible.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
