Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
