Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
