How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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