i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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