Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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