I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You're a waste of cheezeits
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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