dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
