i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
