Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
