well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
