Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
