well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
