im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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