No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
