just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize