Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think your dad took our porno
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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