Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
