He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
