So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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