I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
