her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
