cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
