There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
