I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
