halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
