This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize