what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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