dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
