Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
