hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
